Another Monday morning... but as I keep repeating- being in this country seems to take the harshness away. I'm pondering over a 2nd hand acoustic guitar I've seen in the local music store for €180. It isn’t amazing quality, but beggars can’t be choosers and I can't justify getting a new one in the range of €500 to €4000... I change between being more relaxed about spending money, eating out etc... then regretting it later and feeling tight fisted again. I’m considering another property investment in St Paul's Bay- to rent out as a holiday home... Just a far way idea for now though.
I noticed it's a thing they do here to say "BYE" loudly as a greeting as you pass someone you know on the street. I suppose it makes it clear to the other person that you don't want to stop for an awkward chat, but it sounds totally rude and weird. Then on the other hand everyone is so nosey due to the small island mentality. People have a GOOD look at you when you walk past them and my mate loves to listen to other peoples' conversations in depth... very annoying when you are trying to talk though.
I bought the guitar (Yamaha, electro acoustic), got a load of creatine, and checked out the local gyms again as my membership at the dirty Noble Gym is running out very soon. Tal-Qroqq is way too busy and I'd get really pissed off there. Cynergi is by far the best one, but the most expensive... it's also intimidating with all the massive body builders in there but I can't be put off... even by debilitating comments from certain people such as "you don't have the right genetics" etc... I just need to eat a lot more protein and work harder. I'm embarking on new regimes for fitness, music and language and can't get discouraged... but at the moment I need to get things out of my system such as KFC- €7 for a 3 piece meal- rip off.
You have no choice but to visit the same places again and again in the evenings, but that is not a bad thing, it is such a nice country. Qawra at night... I finally see the attraction of this place- it's just a chilled out holiday area with bright lights for the Brits who want to get pissed, get brown and get fatter.
Towards the end of the week, my new regime is delayed as I'm becoming sick again... bad throat and all that... what next? At the end of my 5th week at SmartCity, I’m feeling comfortable with everyone, joking about, but STILL no real tasks given to me. Again, I keep telling myself not to complain, but it really is getting silly now. However, I heard about future plans for the structure of the company and it seems there will be a lot of responsibility for me to take over at the end of the year, so I need to prepare and get knowledgeable. I’m getting involved with the tendering process- interviewing contractors to decide who gets to build a huge lagoon on the site, but that’s probably too boring to talk about.
Still doing the same old activities- beach etc... I’m slowly picking up more of the language, definitely necessary for pub talk and social integration, but still getting no help with it. I’m pushing on with the weight training despite it making me feel dizzy- due to heat, being ill, or is it the creatine? Also thinking about seeing a skin specialist about a different treatment for psoriasis- after 3 months there is not the improvement I hoped for. They are only small patches on my legs, but I hate people noticing and commenting, thinking it’s some sort of infection.
Now I’m earning, I’m tempted by all the restaurants and bars I haven’t been to yet. But after enjoying my octopus and chips at Surfside restaurant in Sliema, I decided meals out are a rip off so don’t bother in future. I could have got 2kg of chicken breast for €13 instead.
Back to Hamrun on the Sunday afternoon for their festa... I’m glad I witnessed it, but I still hated the place. Apart from being boiling hot, the streets were rammed full of roughnecks, it is dirty and I felt unsafe. Nothing was really happening anyway- just two rival bands marching through the streets. But the rivalry is so fierce there are police all over the place and apparently there have been shootings in the past. I always like to think about life in terms of stripping it down to its basic values. I see conflict/war as a necessary element of life in order to make global improvements, but isn’t there something more relevant to fight about? Music is supposed to bring us together. It just tells me that some people have an inherent need to fight in a destructive way, and they will find a way to do it using whatever excuse they can latch on to. After all, the two band clubs are located right next door to each other, so you can’t get much more antagonistic than that. It seems to be the way over here... when someone has a rival, they don’t set up shop elsewhere and try to outdo their rival... they set up on their rival’s doorstep and try to leech off them or smother them, so in the end both parties lose out. On the way out, playing football with all the beer cans, I listened to stories about the past from my mate who grew up here... it’s interesting but also not interesting because I don’t share these memories, it just makes me think about how Crewe used to look. It seemed like a magical place then, now I see it as a depressing place, which, although improving again, is not for me.
The flat here is not dirty by any means, but the latest infestation was loads of ants in the breadbin. Do they even eat bread?
I got a lift to Valletta on Tuesday to make my applications for a residency permit and I.D. card. While waiting, I was accompanied by stories of who the corrupt government officials are- apparently they ask for ghost payments in order to complete applications for non EU applicants. All done, and a quick scout around Valletta reminded me of what great character the city has. We sneaked inside a slum which had been left open and it was a big shock to see how depraved the living standards are. It is a block of flats hidden away, disguised as one of the normal buildings, but inside was unbelievably dark, dirty and damp... and existing amongst all the wealth. It has been used as a film shoot location in the past and it’s hard to imagine people really live there, but I saw someone come out to hang washing and she didn’t seem like a film star in any way. When my parents/friends come to visit I will have plenty to show them, but there is no way they would enjoy it at the moment as being outside is a chore. We all know why, cos of the heat, I’m fed up of mentioning it now.
I started doing a bit of trolling in my dinner breaks- making comments on the stories in the Sunday Times of Malta online- disguised as a haughty irritable woman called Regina Muscat. I love to see the reactions of people who really are like the character I pretend to be. Meanwhile, on a more destructive scale, there has been days of mindless rioting in the major cities of England- so there’s something to not be patriotic about. The way I explain it starts with the fact that the working classes have been totally screwed over first by the recession, then by a Tory government. I think life in England relies heavily on material things, so it is not a good place to be when you are poor. Hence those in deprived areas are downtrodden and utterly bored. On top of this they have no voice... so this is the outlet for all the discontent they feel. It is so easy to curse them and ignore their views because they are supposedly of a lower class, but it is an indication of a real problem and there is an imbalance to redress. But it seems the situation is only going to get worse. What else can I say; I’m glad I’m hiding on this island away from it all.
My worries are petty in comparison, based around not having enough money for the luxurious lifestyle I will never have. Having paid out for the car, guitar and holiday I’m already feeling the squeeze in just the 2nd week of the month when it comes to phone bills, food, rent etc... and on top of this, my tenants in Crewe are in arrears with their rent. I want to save, quickly, but it is not happening so I get wound up. I got my iPhone back, but it’s still not unlocked and now it needs a repair- the wine I spilled over it at the start of June has finally kicked in. So there is more expense and I will have to carry on using this shit Ericsson K5710i. Things could be much worse though, I just like to moan.
A long weekend starts with Mdina at night. Very picturesque but spoilt by lots of annoying school children and tours for posh european teenagers. I find that anything which is enjoyable is also ruined by a certain amount proportional to its own popularity... for example in Chester Zoo... whenever there is something worth seeing, you never get to see it due to the crowds of people who gather and block your view. Some of these adolescents thought it was be funny to knock on the convent door and run off. Is that it? If only they knew the stuff I used to get up to at their age- going out with the whole school to terrorise the neighbourhood. Anyway, it would still be amazing to live here despite all the tourists. The houses must be very expensive as it's effectively living in the grounds of a medieval castle. What line of work do you have to be in to afford this? I, on the other hand, am very tense about money- trying not to spend anything, scared to check my account in case of bad news... I have debts I am desperate to clear relating to the mortgage and student loan in the UK, and new payments are always cropping up every day. Then there is a flat deposit to save for if I am going to invest in a property here in the future. I think it would take years of saving to achieve these things as I don't ever have credit- I can't rest when I know I have debts. Maybe I miss out that way, but that's the way I have to be. Went to Dingli at about midnight to see the perseid meteor shower. Saw about four in an hour, the full moon spoiled it and it was cold, so it was a bit boring in the end. It's more interesting to read about astronomy instead.
Saturday brought a last visit to Noble gym. It has been good for when I was unemployed, but now I'm fed up with the sticky machines and the claustrophobia. I need to choose another one in St Julian's that I can drive to. I feel unorganised as there are loads of other little tasks I need to do and not enough time. In the evening, I started organising all my photos (I need to add some to this blog at some point), then went out late to see bands... drinking beforehand to save money, but still spending just as much, getting too drunk and leading to the inevitable memory loss. It seems to be impossible for me to get any self control in this area.
Cue the start of the 2-day hangover... As usual, it induces an emotional mood... but in an uplifting way... chocolate / biscuits, surfing stupid websites... anything for comfort. I remembered I'd been talking to someone about SmartCity last night, and the rumour is that they have no money. I'm pretty sure that's bullshit. Beach again- more diving, getting more daring, jumping from more height and wanting to do somersaults (I'm sure I've already said this?). Back home for a film and completing a day of hungover reflection... 'what does the future hold' and all that. Apparently alot of people are working two jobs here due to the low wages, so I think I'm in a good position and need to get more motivated for this job I've been lucky to get.
The monday is still a holiday here, for Santa Marija, and most businesses are closed all week. They don't care about losing custom in the peak of summer. So there is nothing for the public to do except all go to the beach at once. Therefore, as I am told everywhere would be too busy, I just stayed in and did very little. Watched films, got the guitar out and went through new songs, but I don't feel in the frame of mind for all that at the moment, partly because I'm getting problems with manky fingernails- more psoriasis. By 4:00 I felt the pressure building not to waste the day, so went out to Ghar Lapsi. I've been before and it's nice when there is nobody there, but as expected it was full of kids and locals taking up every inch of limited space. There isn't really a beach, just a few dirty concreted areas to lay your towel. There is a nice cave and the water looks appealing, but too many chavs again and I felt out of place. At least I'm ticking places off the list and appreciating where the best areas are to visit. Overall a quiet weekend, not wasted, just still feeling my way around. The last thing I want is to feel like I've been everywhere.
I looked at two gyms with my mate on the Tuesday- at two hotels in St Julian's- Radisson and Westin Dragonara... both much better than Noble and much cheaper than Cynergi, so now it's between these two. They are both decent... the Radisson has slightly less equipment but it is cheaper, less busy, better parking, more relaxing atmosphere, and newer machines... so that's the one... 165euro for 6 months. Also the bloke at Westin Dragonara tipped us off not to choose his gym, which was a bit weird, but appreciated. We walked up to the casino attached to the Westin hotel. I don't get gambling at all. You go into a room and hand over your money and get less back, if anything. Anyone who does actually win consistently is banned because the casino knows it's impossible, thus there is no way to beat the system. Where is the excitement in that? There are lots of annoying bombs going off in the sky... I'm so fed up of these festa's now.
On Wednesday I was given my first real task at work, but it turned out to only be a 15 minute job. I'm starting to wonder if it is all a big joke, but still you won't hear me complaining. Also I'm feeling better about my financial situation. Despite shelling out for 6months at the gym, phone stuff etc... I am due some rebates from bills at my house in Crewe. I was told that the reason I wasn't taxed on my first pay packet is that your personal allowance total for the year is given upfront, not PAYE. So then when the total allowance has been reached, I will be taxed 35% on the whole amount... Have to wait and see... I went to pick up my ID card from Valletta, so I'm now officially a citizen, though still as a foreigner. The photo is actually ok, which has never happened before. Is taking a good photo more about the expression you make, or the lighting?
I had a rubbish first workout at the new gym due to not knowing the equipment and realising it's not as nice as it seemed on first viewing. I found the machines to be quite old and a bit shit. I started doubting if I'd made a mistake paying for 6 months, but I always feel like this at first... it's cheaper than the others in St Julians, not too busy and definitely has everything I need, so what am I going on about?
Friday- did some reading about Florence, as I'll be there in September. There is so much I need to learn about history and culture. I seem to have had my eyes closed all this time, but I have a feeling I'm going to love Italy. Afterwards, spent my iTunes voucher (a gift from my old workmates from months ago) on guitar songs I am learning at the moment and a trance album- there is room for that style of music somewhere in my head. Out to Sliema again after, tired and not wanting to spend, but enjoying the busy atmosphere. On the way back I watched the ants at the bus stop and wondered how many there are in existence. They are so ubiquitous. I wonder what their goals in life are... Do they all have a separate conscience?
At the weekend I'm still in a mood to get all my little tasks done (the post office closes at random times- little things are so difficult to get done here at weekends, especially in summer as nobody wants to help you). I can never find time to contact friends/family when I'm in this mood but I need to get on top of things so I have a clean slate and a clear head. But also, there is a need to get out as much as you can to enjoy this weather, like everyone else (which explains why it's difficult to get things done). We are entering another heatwave, which can get unbearable in the early afternoon, and when you are constantly sweating in the house, but I can cope with it. In fact, I like the experience, but only because I know it's temporary.
Every morning, you get woken at 9:00 by bombs going off amidst the perpetual "religious" celebrations wherever they are. I like to use facebook to moan about it, but people always mistake my sarcasm for genuine misery. I want to make it clear that I am having a great time overall and have no stress- which was the aim of coming here. Maybe the biggest factor is being near the sea as it seems to make me calm and contented. However, I think swimming in a dirty sea made me sick on Saturday. I was still back again the next day though, trying new dives... this time I did a tuck to face plant from about 3m which wasn't the best... then bottled a back somersault from this ledge I've been eyeing up for a while- I must conquer it one day. It probably seems childish but I like acrobatics. If only I'd not been put off doing gymnastic training when I was a kid.
This Radisson gym is not so bad after all, once you settle in and get used to the machines- they still do the job even if they have seen better days. Now instead of all this talk, I need to shut up and start working instead of just playing at it. I can sense a new era of fitness... but of course this little bout of illness is here to put another spanner in the works, which gets me irritable and short tempered for a day.
The revolution in Libya is reaching a critical point. I had been entertaining the idea that the loyalists may not be totally in the wrong, but with recent events I can see that was an ignorant view. Having seen interviews with intelligent Libyan people, they are elated at the inevitable conclusion to overthrow Gadaffi. There are no loyalists acting in goodwill, whatever nationality they are, and atrocities are now coming to light. Those who refused to fight for Gadaffi have been killed in mass graves. It is unimaginable that countries have had to do business with this man, and surely now he is living on borrowed time, but I hope he is not killed, rather brought to justice. I believe this will mark the start of a massive uprising in all oppressed Arab countries, and thus will be a major turning point in history.
I, on the other hand, am finding myself involved again in the uneventful world of social networking. I keep boycotting facebook on the grounds of inducing ugly attention seeking and petty behaviour from people, but I can never stay away. Now I can communicate in Maltese (on a basic level) it has opened up a new level of interest, and in general I can see that nowadays it is a necessary tool, not just a useful one, for contacting new and old friends. The guitar is coming back into play too and I found some old recordings of my songs- one in particular that I like and I need to retain the original chorus. Will I ever start to use these songs? Once I get my iPhone back (I sent it to UK again for repair and unlock) maybe I can start it all up again.
Out in Gzira on Thursday to meet Jimbo, a mate from England who is visiting his girlfriend, Heidi- a long distance relationship, and it's good to see them happy together. It's strange to see a familiar face in this country and reminds me that there was life before this. I feel different nowadays, better I think, though I'm still stuck to answer why I'm actually here- it still feels as if I have just found myself living here all of a sudden. Anyway, I beat them at pool and then really beat them at table football so it was a successful night all round. I hope to get more visits from friends & family.
Going to St Joseph's church on Friday dinner time in Kalkara, I start to feel an affinity with religion on some level. Maybe it is just from an artistic / philosophical point of view, but I will have to start going to some of these festa's again and join in with the culture instead of moaning about it. That night, after my first drive to Gala supermarket for meat, I went out to Golden Bay for a BBQ night, meeting up with friends of friends and whoever. I don't think I've ever had a beach BBQ before, or swam in the sea at midnight, so it was a good laugh. I get a bit lost at times due to the language barrier, but that's how it is. I am the foreigner here and a group of Maltese people do not tend to speak English for the sake of one person. But that's not to say there are not polite and accommodating. I am not paranoid. Just give me a few more months and I will know what they are saying about me.
Out to Gharghur festa on Saturday... a nice little village in an upmarket area and another intricately decorated church. Drove back through St Julian's where another festa was being held simultaneously and caught the tail end of a massive firewords display... then onto the pub after in Valletta. It is good to start feeling like myself again, at ease and becoming familiar enough with people that I can get away with acting daft.
But as usual the next morning brings a reversal of mood... At times the idea of fitting in makes me cringe... there is always something that tells me to stay on the fringes... also one day I will need a way out of this life won't I, so I shouldn't allow myself to be settled? I'm back to being pensive today about what I want out of life. In the evening, I wanted to see what was going on at St Julian's as the festa is still on, but somehow I ended up in Qawra again walking down the same seafront. My final decision: Qawra is really shit and devoid of entertainment, despite all the crowds and the lights and cafe's, there really is nothing to do other than eat rubbish food from the restaurants. It's a cheap place and it depresses me to be here when there is so much else I want to be doing. I feel more than ever that I'm at a crossroads- enjoying life here, but coming to terms with the limitations in terms of the lack of variation. Some people have told me that to live here you need to be impressed with the small things in life, but I can't become like that. Some are happy to be people watchers, but I like to be the one being watched, and I know there is more to life than walking around the same places time and time again... other interests need to take over i.e. my music, new relationships, getting involved in new activities, achieving things... relieving boredom is all about interaction with others. But it depends who those others are... the best thing is when I try to communicate these thoughts with a certain housemate but as usual it's like I'm talking to nobody- no indication that I even said anything... Am I that boring? Maybe all bored people are boring. I won't come to Qawra again anyway, and in general I need to make sure I don't let anything drag me down. I might sound a bit down in the dumps already, but I'm not. There is no stress in me, only ambition. The main trouble as I've said is that I feel I should be in touch more with friends/family in England, but my head is still elsewhere, maybe it's the summer heat, but I don't feel I have time for anything like that, however bad that sounds.
I don't think I have used my asthma inhaler for about 6 weeks. A good sign?
Monday- I'm staying in this frame of mind of wanting more out of life, more socialising etc... I'm hoping it hasn't reflect badly on me having no work to do at SmartCity, but I don't think it was my fault. Some responsibility is on its way with contracts awarded for landscaping and facade cleaning that I will be looking after, and I am ready for it. The lads in the security hut said they will now only speak to me in Maltese to give me practice, imma ma nafx bizzejjed bil-Malti ghal-konverzazzjoni (but I don't know enough to hold a conversation)- see my writing is better than my speaking. Bobo the dog lives in the hut and is very sweet but you're not allowed to feed him as he's becoming a bloater.
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