Another mate was supposed to be joining us for the match but then stopped contact at the last minute and went into hiding. I hate that sort of thing. It bugs me how it is not easier to make good friends quickly. I know it takes time to establish trust, but I try to be reliable with new people from the beginning. This way, I set myself up for disappointment as it is never reciprocated, but I'd rather be this way. You can choose whether or not you let others affect your peace of mind in a bad way... and vice versa.
I went to a small rocky beach straight after work on Friday and two lads with guns suddenly appeared which did affect my piece of mind as I shit myself. They were only hunting for birds but I felt like a sitting duck in the water for a few seconds... just another little thing you would never come across in England. Back home I restrung the new guitar with gauge 9's and christened it Yolanda. It is great to be excited by playing again.
On Saturday, I bought the intermediate edition of my language course: "Continuing Maltese" by Lydia Sciriha. It only took me 2 months to get through the beginner's book and I know it's nerdy but I'm looking forward to getting into the new one- just like when I started a new maths book at school. I only spend about half an hour a day directly studying but I find myself always trying to pick out the dialogue going on around me.
At further risk of coming across as a dick, I am also getting more drawn into the vanity of facebook- showing off by uploading photos and all that. I've never been happy with my self image; I'm glad these days I look less weedy but I'm in danger of getting overweight again. If you are going to be an attention seeker you need to do things worthy of attention. But I'm behaving like a woman taking ages to get ready to go out- trying on 3 different outfits just to meet friends for a pint- really I need new clothes. Anyway, had a good night, but back to the feeling that I can't integrate properly until I can understand everything that is being said... more fuel for the studying.
Sunday is my housemate Mark's birthday and I try to make an effort as he moans that nobody has ever bothered in the past, not even his children. With gritted teeth I paid for a lunchtime meal at Irrera restaurant in Ta' Xbiex (I will need to be careful with money until next summer at least, in order to pay debts off, but there are annoying things on the horizon to shell out for). I noticed that birthdays these days have become all about checking facebook for messages. I suppose it's good that people who wouldn't normally send a card will still bother to get in touch, but then those who WOULD normally send a card don't- because a little message on a computer screen will suffice. Does this constitute genuine contact / affection? I am still undecided on whether social networking is a good thing or a frivolous social disaster. In the evening I slaved away preparing a rib eye steak / roast dinner, then cassatella siciliana, before spending more money at the cinema in Valletta to see Super8. I'm always good to people on their birthdays, but I will be back to my usual self next week. In general I'm still definitely spending too much time with this one mate, but still I am going with him to Italy next Thursday for a few days, so I hope I don't get pissed off. (He nearly spoiled the whole thing by booking the wrong date for the guest house, but we managed to put it right. Never trust anyone). In general I sort of feel an expectation to announce when I'm going back to the UK, or else do something worthwhile here i.e. settle down and all that... but that's what everyone else does. I'm not ready for that life yet. I often feel like I'm just floating between the lines, but I'm happy with that for now as long as I'm not being judged.
With the 10 year anniversary approaching, I have been reading about the motivation for the 9/11 attacks, as that side of it is not often talked about and I realised I didn’t know enough. The three main reasons are the sanctions on Iraq (to prevent weapon production), the US collaboration with Israel, and the general presence in Saudi Arabia (imposing no fly zones etc). It seems Al-Qaeda is like a naughty child who is retaliating after being silenced by it's parents. I may be talking bollocks but I think I can understand why it is all happening and that there is no solution. Even though these measures taken by the US are for the purposes of good, they are also for the purpose of benefitting the western world, so retaliation from some parts of the east is inevitable as they are not willing to just accept being stifled. Everybody sees these extremists as evil, but to be evil is relative to the person making the judgement. To them, we are the evil ones.
On a lighter note, I had to do the gym in my work shoes as I forgot my trainers. I looked like a right dick. Also I suspect this creatine stuff is making me ill- headache and sickness.
Thursday 8th is the holiday to Italy. I only ever get excited once I am at the airport so I didn’t do any homework on what I wanted to see. After an easy 1.5 hour flight and 1 hour coach journey (not used to these distances between towns) I was feeling upbeat to be seeing another new country and ready to take it all in... Found the guest house on the edge of Florence and met the owners... Glad they speak English but still everybody slips into Italian so I never fully know what’s going on. At least I’m used to that. Once unpacked, got ready to go out for the first meal, so that’s where the holiday starts. But I’ll put it all in a separate blog.
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Cut to the morning of Thursday 15th and the holiday is over. Had an embarrassingly big breakfast at the Pisa hotel which didn’t go unnoticed with the staff and other guests, then got a shuttle to the airport. Still having to resist Italy robbing me using overpriced food and drink. In a way I’m glad to leave to release this pressure of financial resentment, but it was a special time and I will definitely be back in Italy someday. Getting off the plane was strange as it should be colder when you return home not hotter, and I felt I should be in rainy Manchester waiting for a train to Crewe. So in a way it felt like the vacation is not over... it was a holiday within a holiday. Work at 7am on the Friday put a stop to any such reflection though, with a 12hr day of fire training. Then photo sorting begins at the weekend which will take at least a week to sift through the 600 pictures.
Before going to a friend’s 40th, had beer and guitar time, remembering the Blackpool days when I did this every night. Please can I get back into it again properly, but without the fucked-up-ness of life in Blackpool at that time. The party was at Hotel Corinthia in St. Julians, very nice venue and a free bar ruined my plan to go on to soft drinks at midnight. At least I remember going home so things are looking up. Hangover cure the next day was to go and see The Inbetweeners (films, like everything else, are out a month later than the rest of the world).
On Monday, thoughts of investing in property were dealt a blow by a rumour that the government introduced a minimum price for non-Maltese of 400,000 to buy property. Have to look into that. Tuesday brought the first bit of rain since May, but only lasted 15 minutes. Also, randomly someone asked me if I wanted to sing in a choir- no not really. Wednesday was a public holiday for Malta’s Independence Day, but I wasted it due to waiting around for others... then driving around aimlessly when I should have been doing guitar stuff instead. How I hate wasting time.
Getting enough sleep still seems to be a problem, sapping motivation, but by Friday I am in a mood to get all the boring admin things out of the way... while the responsibility at work is still growing slowly... afterwards round a friend’s house for an evening meal, realising how I miss hosting and cooking for people, and how the quality of food you serve affects your guests’ opinions of you as a person.
A quiet weekend... bit of clothes shopping, noticing the higher prices compared to UK, and that I have suddenly got well out of shape despite the gym... pissed off now, need to start new diet and running regime on top of training. I won’t give in to wearing large size t-shirts.... After hours of sorting, finally managed to upload Italy photos onto f/book (but nobody comments so what is the point?), before finding a good pub in Sliema called The Times with ok food and down to earth atmosphere... must remember this one for the future, as most bars in this area are tiny little rooms with just enough space for about 5 people.
By Monday I am feeling a need to have my own space, but even if I am allowed to buy property at around the 100K mark, it will still take a year to save for the deposit, so I just have to be patient in my digs. All I need to do is put a door in and I can convert my upstairs bedroom into a completely separate living space (and do shit loads of DIY and decorating).
Creatine is definitely making me sick, which defeats the object if it makes me too ill to do any exercise... But I still force myself out for short runs every day as I’m determined now. Realised the sickness sorts itself out as long as I make sure I am hydrated enough. But also feel constantly tired despite getting about 8hrs sleep. Iron deficiency?
More boring stuff... Bad traffic now due to school term starting... Revising finances incorporating the 35% tax and realising I won’t save as much as I thought, maybe I should forget about buying more property and enjoy life instead of investing, being greedy... Watched film- Final Destination 5 in 3D- good death scenes, same old trashy script really, but it’s hits the spot... more getting pissed off over feeling out of shape.
There is a story about neutrinos possibly exceeding the speed of light but I’m confused about how you make the measurements as it would mean the neutrinos are travelling back in time. Does time travel have to incorporate position or can it just incorporate apparent ageing effects... etc...
Preparations underway for parents’ visit on 20th Oct...
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