Geneva vs Malta vs UK

This is nothing to do with what I did in Geneva, it was a good family holiday and it inspired me to make a video, so that shows how much I enjoyed myself and you can watch that to see what we got up to… This is actually a self-indulgent rant about the mood change I experienced before and after Geneva including an analysis of Maltese culture vs English culture and some general stuff about human nature. Nothing too heavy...

The day before the holiday, I was annoyed and depressed at work after another meeting listening to contractors getting away with bullshit lies and excuses, even after I announced (literally) that it was bullshit in the meeting, people didn’t seem to want to see reality. In general at work I was not being understood or listened to properly and I’d felt like this all year. So I was on the plane to Geneva with all this swimming around in my head and I felt it’s definitely time to leave this job and this island. You can’t stay in a place where you don’t have any connection. As I’d hoped, spending time in a new place and with family did allow me to cheer up and press the reset button. But this has happened before and I always went back to same fed-up feeling in the end, so I want to see if I can explain what the reasons are in order to try and beat the system this time.

After about 2 years in Malta I started picking up on the bad parts of society here… corruption in government organisations, apathy towards professionalism, manipulation & distraction tactics for ‘winning’ an argument, the way you have to screw someone over to achieve anything, the crazy random way that every conversation takes place, the fact that you often hit a brick wall whenever you want to get anything done, etc… So I gradually stopped feeling connected to this country, wanting to learn the language or wanting to learn anything else about this place. Besides which, on an island which is only 17 miles long and 9 miles wide, after a certain amount of time it inevitably feels like there is nowhere left to explore and nothing left to learn. In my experience, as a foreigner, it seems hard to make proper connections with people and I heard this from others too. However, after 4 years I am re-evaluating all of this negativity. It’s really not a bad life over here if you can get used to the way they do things, learn how to make things happen for yourself and also make sure you get off the island regularly to refresh your outlook.

If I want to understand what has been making me feel negative, the first thing I have to start with is my own attitude. I tend to be a bit paranoid, not trusting people, thinking the worst, highlighting the worst aspects of things, expecting too much from people… So I am aware that I put myself in a negative frame of mind sometimes. I also act daft a lot of the time, sometimes to mask the fact that I'm feeling depressed or bored, but mostly because I've just got a weird sense of humour. As I got older, I toned it down more and more because there are times when I do have proper things to say and would like to be taken seriously. Anyway, what I'm trying to understand is whether it’s my fault or Malta’s fault that I’ve been feeling disconnected.

To say Maltese society can seem rude at times is a harsh statement as most people are friendly and respectful in a one-to-one scenario. But there are cultural differences that come across as very rude to a foreigner and will grind you down after a while. Basically, Maltese people interrupt and talk over each other and they don’t seem to find it annoying even though for me it makes my head explode. Imagine you have something to say and need to develop your point… you will often find nobody has time to listen for more than 30 seconds. If you are talking to 2 or more Maltese people, you probably won’t even get to 10 seconds before they will cut you off and start talking in Maltese about the subject you brought up! Then at the end of it, they won’t come back to you and ask what you were saying because they’ve already sorted it between themselves. Even if you stare at them as if to say “what the f**k”, they don’t recognise that it’s a bit rude to completely steamroller someone out of the conversation. Another regular scenario is when someone asks me a question on topic A, something I say will trigger a related question about topic B, then before I can explain A or B, they have moved onto C which is unrelated and the original question is lost. I often feel like I can’t make anybody understand what I’m saying or reach any conclusion in any conversation ever. This may seem like a joke, but it affects your confidence and your motivation. You stop bothering to try to connect with people when you are expecting that they will not listen.

You find out what it means to be a foreigner when something serious is happening and needs urgent attention or when people get very emotional. Nobody wants to speak in English during these times and on a few occasions I have felt left out and my opinions disregarded. Foreigners are definitely not equal as long as they are not fluent in Maltese. But I also know for sure that if a foreigner comes to England and doesn’t speak English they are treated as a second class citizen, so how can I complain. People point to the fact that English is the 2nd national language so it’s easy for foreigners to fit in, but there is something missing in this argument. The times when you create the strongest bonds with people are when things get intense or emotional and as I already said, there will be no English spoken during these times. People only ever have one natural language that they revert to in emotional situations and as a foreigner you are never fully involved in these events due to a language barrier, so you do not create the bonds. English is fine for work or every day conversations, but you will stay at arms length. I think this is a very important point for why I might feel disconnected, because I didn’t get fluent at the language. But the next problem is that I feel a weird kind of resistance from a lot of Maltese people regarding my progress with learning the language. I would say I got to a decent level just by teaching myself and I do get a certain level of respect for that. But the problem is whenever I say anything in Maltese it is often taken as if I’m joking around and the conversation reverts to ‘what swear words do you know’ instead of helping me progress. Otherwise, people will assume I know a lot less than I do, even if I have just demonstrated that I’m not a complete beginner by saying something they didn’t expect to hear. So then I get a disproportionate amount of praise for knowing about the grammar and how to construct sentences, but it stops there. The conversation will revert back to English and somebody might feel the need to tell me what ‘imqaret’ means as if I didn’t know anything about the food after being here for 4 years. There comes a point when people have to stop praising you for the same thing over and over again, otherwise it becomes patronising. Sorry to say, I think the Maltese people are very good at patronising foreigners. I lost count of the times I told people not all English are stupid.

Driving! There are no indicators, no acknowledgements when you let someone pass and many idiots who think the world will end unless they go as fast as they possibly can at every opportunity. They don’t like it when I deliberately block them, but dangerous driving annoys me. Also, there isn’t a single road you can drive on where you have peace and quiet without someone coming up behind you wanting you to drive a bit faster. If you dawdle anywhere even for a few seconds it is almost inevitable that you will have someone behind you honking their horn and that is extremely irritating. I think the whole world has a traffic problem now, but there are some serious idiots on these roads. The thing is, you have to join in with the madness or you never get home and it can be fun as long as you just accept that you might crash at any time.

Getting a job done properly seems almost impossible here... roads, buildings, walls… things are done cheaply and never get finished. Workers will get to about 90% and then just claim the work is finished because they can’t be bothered anymore, probably because they are not paid enough. I see this attitude not just in construction but with other types of business too, it seems like people can’t be bothered to see things through and do a proper job unless they are screwing someone over and earning a fortune. I get the feeling that social systems aren’t properly in place yet and if you are poor, you better not be seriously ill or become reliant on the justice system for something because you won’t be able to get the support you need. It may sound insulting to the ones who are intelligent and professional, but I feel Maltese society in general is disorganised and for that reason it doesn’t always feel safe. Why does this attitude exist? I can’t say it’s the heat, as it’s not a seasonal problem, it just seems to be the Mediterranean mentality. I listen to so many excuses from contractors at work about why they couldn’t do a job properly, even though it would be less effort just to actually do it properly. I ask suppliers for quotes and they often can’t be bothered to respond, as if they don’t need to work and I am pestering them. This is the feeling I have that I can’t get what I want unless I become a pest, but I’m lucky because I can do that easily.

I feel the way business is done is a lot less honest than in England. There is less accountability for organisations who are not acting professionally and thus more incentive to bend the rules in your favour. In general, to be successful in business here I think you have to be harsh and abrasive first, then honest and hardworking second. When I talk to people about this, they are totally despondent as if it’s just norman human nature to trample over others to get ahead and that’s just how life is. I feel sorry that people are conditioned to accept that there is no other option. A popular saying is ‘min ħexa mexa’ – he who fucked (people over) got ahead (walked). This may be true but only because it has become a self fulfilling prophecy. I refuse to enter into that cycle and lose my sense of respect and morals.

Decent and honest business people do exist in Malta, I have to be clear about that, but working with building contractors in my job has exposed me to some crude and depressing manipulation tactics. The way they approach any argument is ‘how can I remould reality to benefit me financially’. I can’t pretend that this attitude doesn’t exist everywhere in the world- in a way that is what doing business is all about- but maybe what’s different here is the lack of effort that goes into the contractor’s attempts to screw over the client. There are so many cringeworthy, blatant lies spoken in meetings. But what disappoints me even more is when others in my organisation, instead of nipping it in the bud, might go along with it all and enter into the nonsense arguments. This way, a cloud of confusion is brought up, the original point is not discussed and there is no conclusion. This is exactly what the contractor wants, but people seem willing to fall into this trap every time. It’s as if someone’s ability to tell stories holds more importance than someone’s ability to state reality and define a way forward based on the truth. This is the exact opposite of the way I think.

Well that was a lot of negative stuff! But now I am getting to the point of why I’m writing all this... I wanted to get the message across to anyone who has bothered to read this far that I don’t really see these things as negative anymore. Human nature is what it is and I think it’s part of growing up to realise what reality is, face up to it and make the most of it. Apart from searching for enlightenment, contentment, recognition or success, I think the challenge in life is to deal with the things you don’t agree with and turn them around in ways that don’t involve regurgitating and perpetuating the bad things you have experienced.

While I was in Geneva, I found it to be a safe and civilised place. Strangers respect each other, everyone is friendly and polite, the air is clean, the water quality is good, systems are organised properly... I’m sure I would find things to pick at if I lived there, but this holiday was exactly what I needed. The most important thing was the time spent with family who listen properly, are interested in what I’m saying and don’t keep interrupting! That is what reminded me what it means to connect properly with people in a way that I haven’t been doing recently.

I went back to Malta refreshed and with a new attitude. While the plane was landing I was studying all the stunning landscapes, the turquoise sea, swimming pools everywhere, the sunshine reflecting off every surface and I remembered it’s a special place to be so I don’t know why I should feel negative about this place at all. Maybe I was just creating the negativity all by myself. At the time of writing this, it’s about 6 weeks after Geneva and I’ve been feeling more positive about everything in general. I wasn’t understanding the society properly. You do have to be a bit tough and abrasive to make things happen and be pro-active to make the right connections with the right people, but why should that be seen as a bad thing. During my time here I’ve become a better communicator and thinker and I am a lot more confident in my abilities and opinions. Recently I’ve taken a new approach at work, basically trying to get things done without moaning about problems I face, but thinking of ways to get around them without manipulating anybody or screwing them over. I don’t bother getting disappointed at the attitudes of others, I concentrate only on my own behaviour, trying to do the decent thing even if people around me are not. I am also finding myself being a lot more friendly with strangers and it’s a much more enjoyable way to be. When you leave yourself open in this way, you see changes in others too and you realise how many people there are around you who do not conform to the negative stereotypes I talked about.

I do have an alternative theory. I started taking iron tablets after Geneva as well, so maybe I was just anaemic all this time and now I feel better and have more energy. It might be as simple as that and all of the above is wrong!? It would be good if I could be bothered to get a blood test instead of just guessing.

Overall I still know I have to leave this island at some point. There is still the feeling that there is nowhere left to explore and not enough going on to keep me interested in being here. But at the same time, I have reservations about going back to England as well. Where would I go? I did the suburbia and commuting thing and it turned me into a tense, irritable and frustrated troll, so that would not be an option. City centre life? Manchester, Liverpool, London, or somewhere on the south coast? I’m also quite confused about what my attitude should be about the UK. Is it really more polite, friendly and organised? Or is it overpolite, disingenuous and bureaucratic? The population is definitely stupid as they voted the tories in for a second term despite their obvious intent to screw the poor and widen the wealth gap. Thanks to the internet, you can learn about how unfair and corrupt life is. However, while it can be depressing, it’s much better to know about these things rather than be oblivious or pretend reality is different in order to have the illusion of an easier life. So I would have to hold on to this new attitude of finding a way to cope in a positive way with situations I don’t agree with... Or maybe I can go to another country and do this all over again... Italy, USA...? I suppose I need to do what my sister in law suggested in Geneva and go travelling to figure it all out.

 

 

Some unproductive & random complaints about food in Malta:

• When you buy boneless chicken thighs/legs, they leave the cartilage and gristle in so there is no benefit to them being boneless.
• Seedless grapes always have seeds in, so you can pay extra if you want, but it’s always a lie.
• They don’t know what bacon is.
• They don’t know what egg custards are.
• Ok, who wouldn’t want insects crawling all over your lettuce, no matter where you buy it from?
• It’s impossible to buy a freshly made sandwich or salad box that you can pick up off the shelf in a shop or supermarket... but who would want that anyway?
• Whenever you go to a local event, it’s always the same burger vans, the same sweet stalls and the same products every time... you get shit food for inflated prices but there are always big queues regardless, so you even have to wait ages before the inevitable disappointment.

To be continued...